tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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