I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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