do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
