I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
