You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
