Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
