so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
they're like a gay fantastic four
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
