So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
