cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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