All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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