3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
