for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
