Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
