i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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