If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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