I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
