Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
