omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
