If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
