Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
