I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
