I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
