I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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