Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
