I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
