we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
