He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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