Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize