No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
