Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
