Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
