I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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