he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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