evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize