So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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