We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
