He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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