K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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