Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
