My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize