I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
