I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
