The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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