no, he came in my armpit
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize