Quick, to the slutcave!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
