how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize