pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
