She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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