I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
