I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
