So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
wow bdsm is so cute
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
