I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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