She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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