i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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