I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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