So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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