i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
