I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will be naked everywhere
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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