Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm like, not good at living.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize