I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
