My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
