Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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