I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
