Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
