Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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