I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
